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Pig fart Ron Prentice, of Protect Marriage dot com, has been named one of the unsexiest men by The Phoenix!
He's in the thirties, so he could have been a little higher, but I'll take it. I like that bologna face Rush Limbaugh is number one. Also, good call on Kelsey Grammar!
Fifteen-year-old me is sad that Robert Smith of The Cure made the list, but I recognize that a middle-aged Smith does resemble the elderly Liz Taylor.
We're all getting older.
From Married to the Sea:
I'm the luckiest guy! Read the e-mail I just found waiting in my inbox:
"ATTEN,
I am in response to your mail regarding your inherited
fund $1.2MillionUSD that has been unclaimed, we wish to inform you that
instructions was passed to our bank to effect on ward payment to you
through our ATM CREDIT CARD payment system.
YOUR ATM DEDLIVERY
NOTIFICATION! This is to bring to your notice that, I have paid the
registration of your ATM CARD.I paid it because the ATM-822 worth
$1.200,000.00 USD has less three month to expire and when it expires
the money will go into Government reserve. With that I decided to help
you pay the money so that the ATM CARD will not expire,
Because
I know when you get your ATM CARD definitely you must compensate me.
The delivery charges have been paid but I did not pay their official
keeping fees since they refused. Reasons for their refusal are because
they do not know when you are going to contact them. They told me that
their keeping fee is $50 and I deposited it day before yesterday.
Now
your ATM CARD has been deposited with U.P.S Service Limited Benin
delivery so I want you to contact U.P.S Service Limited Benin with your
Full Contact information’s so that they can deliver your ATM CARD to
your designated address without any delay.
Below is their Contact Information,
Contact Person: JIM V.SIMON U.P.S
Email: ( upscouriercompay100@msn.com )
Tel: +22996334110
Let me know once you receive your Card, Yours sincerely MOHAMED WILLIAMS"
YES!
This makes me think about money.
The idea that I could have inherited 1.2 million dollars from any of my relatives is hysterical. My people are hill folk and get Mountain Dew Mouth. That said, if I did inherit that money I'd spend it in a couple of places:
1. Pay off credit card debt and fancy art school loans. (This one is boring, but obvious).
2. I've always wanted to get my ears pinned back and the rings removed from my eyes. People say, "get more sleep." That's bullshit... I look like a raccoon in my baby pictures.
3. Buy everything in Marc Jacobs. All of it.
4. Produce all of my plays in lavish (but cheap in the grand scheme of things) productions.
5. Buy an apartment in the East Village.
6. Get porcelain veneers in an attempt to cheat Mountain Dew Mouth.
Amazing how I've become the only person in my entire family to graduate college, jumped about five social and economic classes, crawled my way from rural Kentucky to New York City... and I'm still not satisfied with what I have or proud of my accomplishments.
God, stop complaining already.
This is just more proof that I am channeling Cathy of the hilarious cartoon, Cathy, but is anybody else loving Nora Roberts month on Lifetime? I won't lie: I like cute dudes with no shirts on. Yes, even when they're saying stupid shit near Brittany Murphy. To quote my favorite Heather, these movies will "provide shower nozzle masturbation material for weeks."
I can't wait to put on my snuggie, have a glass of white wine, and watch Midnight Bayou.
The Management is having a Sexy Beast Fundraiser for our next show, Caitlin and the Swan (and for the 2009 Season in general) and you should come. Why? Because we'll be playing PORNO BINGO and you could win POPPERS or LUBE or a DILDO (thanks, BABELAND!) Also, there will be a BURLESQUE performance by DARLINDA JUST DARLINDA!!! So come, yes? Or cum. Either way...
Location: The Brick (575 Metropolitan Ave. btwn Union and
Lorimer in Williamsburg)
Time: Doors at 8pm, Action starts 8:30pm
Admission: $20 and your first beer is on us! Bingo is free!
Caitlin and the Swan tells the story of a frustrated SAT tutor, her animal-loving friends, and their powerful attractions to the forbidden. Inspired by the Greek myth of Leda and the Swan, this play explores feminism, bestiality, and the twisted links between pain and love.
Written by Dorothy Fortenberry, Directed by Joshua Conkel
April 16-May 2
Thursdays-Saturdays @ 8pm
Location: UNDER St. Marks
94 St. Marks, btwn 1st Ave & Ave A
Tickets: $18 - www.smarttix.com
Equity approved showcase featuring Jake Aron, Brian Robert Burns*, Elliott Reiland, Marguerite French*, Shetal Shah*, and Teresa Stephenson *appearing courtesy of Actors’ Equity
The amazing Gay Men's Social Crisis beat me to covering something glorious. Obviously I'm talking about the rash of teenage tranny thugs in the West Village. Via WPIX Local News:
Tranny Teens Terrorizing Downtown Girls
WEST VILLAGE (WPIX) — Police say a roving pack of transvestite teens
has been targeting females living in a tony West Village building.
According to authorities, the trannys would steal the women’s purses
and use their stolen credit cards to buy wigs and new clothes.
Two of the teens, Jubril “Dominic” Faggins, 19, and Jhirad “Shanese”
Powell, 18 have both been charged with attacking two women at The
Archive on Greenwich Street, former home to designer Michael Kors,
actress Jennifer Connelly and infamous White House intern Monica
Lewinsky.
The first attack happened on the morning of January 29. According to the New York Post
Powell told cops, “It was Destiny (another transvestite) that told me to rob the white bitch.”
Court papers say Faggins and Powell followed the woman into the
lobby, held her down, punched her and then stole her purse. The two
attackers then went on a two-day shopping spree in Brooklyn’s Fulton
Mall, charging more than $3500 worth of women’s clothes, jewelry and
accessories on her stolen credit card.
Days later, on February 2, the duo returned to the building and attacked another woman.
The Boyfriend and I went to an election party at The Archive Building. I was disgusted that the poor people whose apartment we were in only had one spiral staircase. How does somebody live in Manhattan with one spiral staircase? What is this, a tenement? Anywhoodle, we were celebrating Barack's impressive lead when a red-faced dick bag in pleated khakis sputtered out this gem, totally unprompted:
"You know, Barack Obama doesn't support same sex marriages EITHER!"
WTF!
To the young ladies perpetrating these crimes I say:
TAKE WHATEVER YOU CAN GRAB!
The Boyfriend and I watched the most amazing movie last night, compliments of Netflix.
Pieces (or Mil Gritos tiene la noche) is a 1983 Spanish horror film about a crazed killer stalking a college campus. He uses his chainsaw to collect the best pieces of naked sluts so he can sew them together and recreate his mother. Or something? The plot is a hilarious mess and is certainly not helped by the horrendous dubbing (and I'm used to bad dubbing in Italian horror films... this is much, much worse.)
This terrible plot line includes a beautiful tennis star who works as an undercover police woman to make ends meet (wtf!), a Professor of Kung Fu who comes and goes so quickly you get whiplash (and with a racist ching chong accent to boot), and a ballet class that more closely resembles a night at Scores.*
I also enjoyed how hard the production tries to make it seem as if the film takes place in Boston. At one point coffee is being served:
ONE CHARACTER: Do you take cream?
THE OTHER CHARACTER: Of course. This is Boston.
Ha ha ha ha! They completely fuck up a reference there. Also, I appreciate that every interior in the film contains either A) A portrait of Ronald Reagan or B) A map of the United States. You know... for reference!
The film has many different titles throughout the world:
| Chainsaw Devil | |
| Cri du cobra, Le | |
| Der Kettensägenkiller | |
| One Thousand Cries Has the Night | |
| Pieces (obviously) |
|
| Pieces - Le sadique à la tronçonneuse | |
| Sadique à la tronçonneuse, Le |
For my money, they should have gone with One Thousand Cries Has the Night. It's just simple, you know?
All in all, we had a lot of fun with Pieces. I'd recommend it to anybody who likes gore, bad writing, or boobs.
Here is the opening scene**:
*This scene was of particular interest to me, as it was choreographed to a new wave song complete with a robot voice singing "running around is what the kids do" over and over again. Awesome!
**I'm fairly certain there were no plastic bags in 1942, but I'd have to check. Also, there's a push button telephone I noticed in that scene. Oh well!
It's not looking good for supporters of equality in California.
The Supreme Court heard arguments on both sides yesterday as to whether of not prop 8 was constitutional and, furthermore, whether or not the 18,000 marriages already performed would be annulled retroactively. It seems that the pundits are saying A) Proposition 8 was indeed constitutional and B) the marriages already performed will still be good.
I know this is a blog about pop culture at its ugliest, by and large, and I'm usually loathe to weigh in on anything too heavy, but this breaks my heart. How much more do we have to take? What do we have to do to convince the people of this country that we deserve full and equal protections and privileges under the law? This is my country too. I pay taxes (for now, though I'm considering not continuing to do so). What about taxation without representation?
The next step in prop 8 stays is to get marriage equality passed through a vote in the next election. In 2016. Yes, gay people would have to wait another several years to get what they're owed by having (again) the majority vote on whether or not they are actually equal citizens.
I don't know what to write. How can you change the hearts and minds of people who are cruel enough to relegate their brothers and sisters into second class citizenship just because their supposed god calls for it. If even these people don't think they are being cruel, they are mistaken, and there is no secular reason to deny gays their right to marriage. And, anyway, aren't we supposed to have a separation of church and state?
The truth is that it's not just marriage. They're also taking away our right to adoption in many places. They're taking away our right to visit one another in the hospital too. What these bigots never just say plainly (and yes, if you don't support marriage equality, a bigot is what you are) is that they don't want us to exist. Period.
I had some small hope that the supreme court would do its job and protect a minority from the hateful tyranny of the masses. I guess I can't count on justice after all.
What an ugly world it is.
