THE BEST MOVIE EVER: PIECES.

The Boyfriend and I watched the most amazing movie last night, compliments of Netflix.

Pieces (or Mil Gritos tiene la noche) is a 1983 Spanish horror film about a crazed killer stalking a college campus. He uses his chainsaw to collect the best pieces of naked sluts so he can sew them together and recreate his mother. Or something? The plot is a hilarious mess and is certainly not helped by the horrendous dubbing (and I'm used to bad dubbing in Italian horror films... this is much, much worse.)

This terrible plot line includes a beautiful tennis star who works as an undercover police woman to make ends meet (wtf!), a Professor of Kung Fu who comes and goes so quickly you get whiplash (and with a racist ching chong accent to boot), and a ballet class that more closely resembles a night at Scores.*

I also enjoyed how hard the production tries to make it seem as if the film takes place in Boston. At one point coffee is being served:

ONE CHARACTER: Do you take cream?

THE OTHER CHARACTER: Of course. This is Boston.

Ha ha ha ha! They completely fuck up a reference there. Also, I appreciate that every interior in the film contains either A) A portrait of Ronald Reagan or B) A map of the United States. You know... for reference!

The film has many different titles throughout the world:

Chainsaw Devil
Cri du cobra, Le
Der Kettensägenkiller
One Thousand Cries Has the Night
Pieces (obviously)
Pieces - Le sadique à la tronçonneuse
Sadique à la tronçonneuse, Le

For my money, they should have gone with One Thousand Cries Has the Night. It's just simple, you know?

All in all, we had a lot of fun with Pieces. I'd recommend it to anybody who likes gore, bad writing, or boobs.

Here is the opening scene**:

*This scene was of particular interest to me, as it was choreographed to a new wave song complete with a robot voice singing "running around is what the kids do" over and over again. Awesome!

**I'm fairly certain there were no plastic bags in 1942, but I'd have to check. Also, there's a push button telephone I noticed in that scene. Oh well!