GAYS THAT DON'T SEEM GAY.

I've recently been watching a lot of ABC's sitcom, Happy Endings. It's a single camera comedy set in Chicago revolving around a break up within a tight group of friends. It's simple and cute. One of the friends, the adorable ne'er-do-well Max, is gay.

I had a crush on Max, so I googled him and discovered that lots of TV writers crush on him too. They praise his schlubbiness, his pudge, his bad behavior and his general "un gayness." People, it turns out, like a gay character who doesn't seem "gay." Presumably because he's pudgy and likes sports and wears cargo pants. What's more, tv writers appreciate that Max's homosexuality is a non-issue amongst the other characters, straights all.

I've heard all this before, of course. Even from gay people. "I just wish there could be a gay character where nobody makes an issue of it." On the gay person's part I think it's a desire for homosexuality to be de stigmatized. A sort of, "Imagine if we didn't have to deal with this shit." But on the part of television networks I feel wary. I'm afraid a "straight acting" gay guy translates to "this will make us look progressive even though this character will never have sex or fall in love or deal with discrimination." Advance press says Max is getting a boyfriend in Season 2, so I'm happy to report that gay tokenism doesn't seem to be the case here.

Still, a couple of things:

1. I notice more and more that gays and straights alike have a distaste for sissy for effeminate gay men. I see it in the comments sections for gay blogs. I understand the desire more varied depictions of gay men, but it's obvious when you read how much bile these dudes pour on femmes that they have mucho internalized homophobia. They're the same queens that hate drag and want to drop the T from LGBT so we seem more "normal."

And mainstream media, too, is quick to praise gay characters on TV that aren't effeminate. Characters like Max or the ROTC son from United States of Tara. "This is no Curt from Glee," they say, or, "This is no Jack MacFarland." I love my Max and all, but I have to ask: What the fuck is wrong with Curt? Or Jack?*

In both cases there's an implied annoyance with effeminate men. I keep thinking of the Backstage critic who wrote of my performance in Lonesome Winter by saying something like, "Joshua Conkel is just not funny, especially when he acts like a bitchy fashion designer." Fashion designer is a euphameism if you're too slow to keep up.

2. And what the fuck is wrong with me? Oh god, the traits critics praise in max are the same traits I found attractive. I hate the term "straight acting" but... am I attracted to straight acting guys? Or are the definitions for "straight acting" or "gay acting" totally arbitrary and made up? I myself don't fall into either category. I'm pretty effeminate acting, but I'm covered in tattoos and I prefer The Misfits to Lady Gaga. That ain't very Chelsea. But I'm totally attracted to rockabilly dudes or guys who seem like they might be criminals, and I suppose that makes me "into straight acting guys." Blech! That was so gross to type. Because, why one or the other? Seriously, this question is gnawing at me. Television, please help me.**

3. I'm not in the camp who thinks it's good to have gay characters where their sexuality is "a non-issue" because- nine times out of ten- it's a non-issue because it's never discussed or dealt with in any way whatsoever. I love LGBT characters on television, effeminate or not, but not if they're just there to help some lady get dressed. Likewise if they're only character trait is to be the opposite of whatever "gay acting" is. They have to be fully formed, in and out of love, sexual, struggling, etc. Just like all the other characters. All of my closest friends are straight and you know what? i would never allow them to turn my homosexuality into a non-issue. Same goes with my family and coworkers and the man who runs the bodega on my corner. It's always there and on the table (not physically), whether people like it or not.

*I had problems with Will & Grace, but not because Jack was effeminate.

**Ugh. Straight men are so lucky they don't have to think about this shit all the time.

Comments

[Lukesaysmoo]

Part of the issue I think is that our culture has always used the effeminate, flaming homo as shtick rather than a real character. And of course America has a problem with any guy who isn't uber macho.

[Kunal Prasad]

Racial minorities also face many of the same issues. Luckily I'm both gay and a racial minority, so I think about these things a lot.
What I find most annoying though are heteronormative attitudes, especially in regards to masculinity and femininity, because when people write things like, "This is no Jack MacFarland" not only are they oblivious to the fact that their statement is degrading, but they also lack the self-awareness to understand that they operate under a heteronormic world view.

[Alejandro]

I dunno. I think straight guys have a whole boatload of crap to deal with I'd rather not (like um, I don't want it to be a given I have to pay for dinner on dates).

The gay and straight acting shit is such bullshit because I know plenty of straight guys who love the opera, are sensitive, or dress well. I'm sort of like you Josh. No one would mistake me for straight, but I am not very much like the Chelsea/Hells Kitchen types of gays (I'm not very East Village/Williamsburg either . . . I'm a nongay! Help!). Yeah, I love the opera but I also love brown liquor and indie rock and I'm happy wearing crappy jeans and a t-shirt and sneakers 24/7.

I'm also very attracted to butch types, so I worry that my desire discriminates and that I would reject someone who is like me and therefore I say that I am undesirable. Add to that I am generally attracted to white guys, which is a whole other kettle of fish that disturbs me greatly. I feel like everything I desire sexually denies who I am.

[jconks]

Alejandro,

"I feel like everything I desire sexually denies who I am." I KNOW! It's awful.

[cgeye]

Do we even want to talk about dykes on TV who wear makeup, high heels, perform heteronormality down to the long nails? Or if they have a hint of butchness, must be a comedienne? I get it: Dyke + Makeup = Sexbot or Clown, but still -- annoying.

[jconks]

L Word had some sexy butch characters, but that's all I can think of. In fact, i can't think of a single lesbian character AT ALL on TV right now.

[Recycle2011]

Bitchslappin is fun, isn't it? Lolz. Check out this video from Canadian comedian Josh Rimer which I found on YouTube! http://youtu.be/yDCk3NN_HAs

[cgeye]

(spammist misogynist fuck, above)

[cgeye]

... and I truly believe there are no more dykes on American TV. Only women who are safely women-lovers without politics, meaning they threaten absolutely no one, down to disavowing feminism beyond its past help with making their careers possible.

There's the lesbo on WHITE COLLAR, but she's so assimilated she gave up her DC FBI posting (and, her girlfriend, last time I checked), to work for her nice massa boss and his pet handsome boy.

Once L&O: SVU cast professional faghag Kathy Griffin as a bisexual political opportunist, to present the moral that Transgender Bois are Violent and Evil and lesbians should be like Mariska Hargitay -- butch and pining for men -- I gave up. It's as if the industry congratulated itself after letting Hilary Swank win awards as butch characters, and thought their work was done.

I also think the medicalization of transgender identity also made things easy for straights. If the solution's a pill or surgery, then why have fags or dykes who make straights uncomfortable? They're sick, they should get treated, and live their lives in yet another little box the straight world has cut out for them.

It's like mandating a color-blind culture, when society finds it more useful to give honorary-white-person status to mixed-race people and penalize unassimilated people for their stubbornness.