Tarhearted.

OBSERVE AND REPORT AND WOMEN AND STUFF.

I finally saw Observe and Report after hearing and reading so much about it. It was a hateful, disgusting, and totally depressing little comedy. I loved it! I love dark comedies, and it's rare that I see comedies that are this dark, so whenever I hear somebody mention that a particular film is a dark comedy I go running toward it. What can i say? I just like them. I have a memory of being shushed for laughing too hard in an audience full of horrified onlookers during Todd Solondz's Happiness that I will always cherish.

There was one scene in particular I was a little worried about. Some of the feminist blogs I read regularly were livid over a scene in which Ronnie (played by Seth Rogan) is fucking Brandi (God I love that name- played by brilliantly by Anna Faris) who is passed out drunk and high in a pool of her own vomit. Ronnie stops in the middle of the act to ask if she's okay and she wakes up long enough to shout, "Why'd you stop mother fucker?"

It's a totally offensive scene, to be sure, but the whole movie is hateful and offensive. And I'm not sure if it's more or less offensive in a movie that has already spent so much time setting up what an awful person Brandi is. The film seems to have a strange relationship to its female characters. All the women in the film are terrible people and not just because they're being stalked by a flasher in the mall parking lot who shouts "Touch it, slut!" and "See my dick!" at them. No, it's more that they're manipulative and wholly self-serving.

It's not like the men are spared. Every single character, including the hero, are pretty much the most pathetic, self-involved monsters you could ever imagine. The movie almost seems to be daring you to hate it. I guess that's probably why i loved it. Like John Waters' films from the 1970's, it asks you to delight in awful behavior. (It's been way too long since I've seen Female Trouble, by the way.) It's just that Brandi is especially nasty and self-serving. So why was she my favorite character?

This probably isn't very politically correct, but I wonder: do gay men hate women? Look at the women who are gay icons. They are universally over-the-top and often unkind or laughably vain. Sometimes even alcoholics or drug addicts. I wonder why that is. Do gay men idolize a strong woman and a dramatic story, or do we like laughing at train wrecks? Or is it both? The female characters in my play are often very tough and out spoken and crude while men tend to be more meek and thoughtful. Some of this is my background, as I come from a huge family of tough broads and quiet men, but that doesn't explain why I love Amy Winehouse so damn much.

In the end it seemed like the movie kind of hated Brandi, but her nasty behavior had the opposite effect on me. I rooted for her. But does my rooting for her condone movies in which women are betrayed as shallow and cruel?

I was thinking about all of this when I went to IMDB to read up on the movie. Slightly off the subject, but I don't think anybody hates women as much as this lovely IMDB commenter, who wrote the following of the controversial scene:

First I'm a PSY major so I know what I'm talking about...

Face it, girls like the Brandi character are a dime a dozen, slutty parasites like that are everywhere, and they deserve to get used for sex, most especially if they get overly drunk to the point of passing out. Let's face it, girls like that/her are no mother Teressa...Brandi was only out with the dude for free food and free booze!!! Girls like that, take and take and take...with zero consideration, they're used to having orbiters around them at their beck and call, and used to skimmin drinks and other things from guys, with zero in return...so yeah, they deserve whatever cummms to them. Besides, chicks like that tend to be pretty screwed up anyways...probably mollested as a kid, or whatever...lots of issues, and probably addicted to semen too!

Seriously, a lot of girls are addicted to semen, it's in psychology today! Check it out.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/200210/crying-over-spilled-semen

SOOOO YEAH, GO RONNNNNNIIIIEEEE!!!!

Wow. Just... wow. Guess I'm off the hook.

Chin up, ladies... this dude will be your shrink some day! Just don't drink any of his jizz. You could become addicted!

Just for fun, the classic Christmas Tree scene from Female Trouble.

HALLOWEEN.

Sometimes I really like my day job. This morning it became necessary for everybody on my team to compile their top twenty list of the best horror films of all time (and it actually was necessary... not just for fun!) Mine is somewhat standard I think, except for a few that I think might raise some eyebrows and number twenty, which is a wild card but a personal favorite nonetheless. 

I stand by my list. It is as follows:

1. The Shining
2. Halloween (1978)
3. Rosemary’s Baby
4. The Exorcist
5. Black Christmas
6. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
7. Carrie
8. A Nightmare on Elm Street
9. Friday the 13^th
10. Dawn of the Dead (Original)
11. The Omen
12. Night of the Living Dead
13. Suspiria
14. The Descent
15. An American Werewolf in London
16. Dawn of the Dead (remake)
17. Scream
18. Shaun of the Dead
19. Nostferatu
20. Let’s Scare Jessica to Death
    

Getting excited for Halloween!

P.S. Speaking of Halloween, go see this.

URGH! A MUSIC WAR

After a lifetime of wanting to see Urgh! A Music War I discovered by pure accident while at Videology that it had been released on DVD. First Shock Treatment and then Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains. How lucky can I get? What's next, a Little Darlings release?

Anyway, I'd seen some of the performances on YouTube and the amazing Klaus Nomi performance was in the documentary about his life, The Nomi Song (which I highly recommend, by the way.) There were some really obscure bands on there! Surf Punks, anybody? Splodgenessabounds? Invisible Sex?

What surprised me was how some of the bands I love I wasn't so into live. OMD's performance of "Enola Gay" was a total bore, and I really love that song. On the flip side of this were the performances that totally knocked me out. I'm fucking obsessed with this performance by The Cramps singing "Tear It Up." How fucking sexy is Lux Interior here? holy crap! Pay special attention to his guitarists, who are both rare beauties.

I was never really that into The Cramps, but now I think I'd better reconsider my position. That performance was bananas.There was once a time when I wasn't really into The Gossip either, until I got to see them live. It's hard to believe Lux was almost 40 in this video.

Another performance I loved was by a band called Chelsea, whom I'm ashamed to admit I'd never heard of. Some internet research tells me that lead singer Gene October, who deserves his own Boner Jams entry based on this video, lost his original band when the formed (along with Billy Idol) Generation X. Here is Chelsea singing "I'm On Fire" which is a straight up class warfare jam, a sentiment I've been feeling a lot lately myself.

It's funny. I was starting to think I grew out of punk in favor of more modern and sophisticated rock, but lately I've been revisiting it so much. It seems to be all I really want to hear. I wonder what that's about. It's certainly having an effect on my writing.

BEST MOVIE EVER: SHOCK TREATMENT.

I recently attended a party full of movie buffs, when the circle I was sitting in began talking about our list of the most under seen and underrated films we could think of. This was a party thrown by somebody who works in horror film, so mostly people's lists skewed in that direction, but I was thrilled when several people brought up Shock Treatment. It's one of my top ten favorite movies, and being a fan of it can feel pretty lonely.

If you're not familiar with it, Shock Treatment is Richard O' Brien's 1981 follow-up to The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Some call it a sequel or a semi-sequel, but that's not really fair. The movie's production seems to have been cursed with bad luck. Originally intended to be a more straight forward sequel entitled The Brad and Janet Show, the creators completely rethought it when industry strikes in the United States forced them to shoot entirely in an English film studio. Their solution was really fucking clever and ahead of its time.

In Shock Treatment, Brad and Janet (now played by Cliff De Young and the AMAZING Jessica Harper) are visiting their hometown, Denton, which you may remember as being held up in RHPS as the ideal American town and the beacon of normalcy. In actuality, Denton is a town that exists completely within a film studio, where half of the townspeople have their own series' and the other half of the townspeople sit in the audience all day watching them. It's very bizarre and unnerving and the lines between what is real and what is fiction get blurry.

Brad and Janet are plucked to appear on "Marriage Maze"- a game show for couples on the rocks- which results in Brad being sent away to "Dentonvale" (a medical drama) and Janet going to live with her parents (who have have their own series, "Happy Homes".) Meanwhile, Janet doesn't know that DTV's new owner, a fast food kingpin, has fallen in love with her and wants to make her "Miss Mental Health", a ploy to sell sanity to the people of Denton in the form of absolute mind control. Confused? Yeah, that's normal. you'd have to watch Shock Treatment about a hundred times to really understand it, if you ever really can. The last minute changes make it kind of convoluted. Still, it's pretty fascinating that this little movie accidentally predicted what reality television would do to the American psyche two decades before it actually happened.

I actually prefer Shock Treatment to Rocky Horror, which is an unpopular opinion to say the least. I think it's fascinating to watch the glitter and overt sexuality and rock and roll of Rocky Horror (and the 70's) give way to the minimalist, cold, self absorbed, new wave aesthetic of Shock Treatment (the 80's). Also, it's no secret that I love new wave music more than just about anything, so there's that.

I really, really wish Richard O' Brien would make another musical. I love, love, love his two movies and the pair of them have been some of my biggest influences on my aesthetic as a playwright. This style and music and aesthetic of this past decade would have been perfect for Richard O' Brien to make another movie and now it's almost over.(Is it weird that I miss this decade before it's finished?)

Richard O' Brien, where have you been?

JOSHUA CONKEL IS FAMOUS (KIND OF.)

Holy shit! NY Press just named MilkMilkLemonade the best Off Off Broadway show of the year!

Check it out.

I'm so honored that I don't really care that they got my name wrong. I can't tell you how much I miss the show and wish we were still doing it. Somebody PLEASE make a deal with me so I can produce it in your theater. Who do you have to give a beej to in this town? Not to toot my own horn, but the play received nearly across the board raves, we turned away audiences almost every night, it's immediately got picked up by Playscripts, is getting published in Plays and Playwrights 2010, and was called Best Off Off Broadway Show by NY Press. Please, please, please little theaters of New York.... don't you want to help the career of a youngplaywright and make money at the same time?

Also, as my friend Jeff pointed out, because of a bit role as the "mean gallerist" in this movie (in which I'm also credited incorrectly) I'm now only three degrees from Kevin Bacon!

Josh Conkel, who was in Love You Back with Elli Fordyce, who was in Playing Doctor with Michael Ciesla, who was in Taking Chance with Kevin Bacon.

I'm a "Joshua", for the record. Anyway, I'm famous! Now I can get super tan and get the lip injeections I always wanted. Just like Cojo! See you at Fashion Week!

P.S. If you ever need a mean gay receptionist, waiter, gallerist, proctologist, day care provider, grifter hobo etc. for your short play or film then I AM YOUR GAY. Seriously, I'm a pro.

BONER JAMS: JOHN CASSAVETES.

Is it weird that I find 1960's era John Cassavetes incredibly sexy?

I remember having really strange feelings in my pants the first time I saw Rosemary's baby when I was just a wee thing. First when Rosemary and Guy have just moved into their new apartment and Rosemary says, "Hey. Let's make love!" John (as Guy) ravishes her amidst all their unpacked boxes. Also later, when Rosemary makes him remove his pajama top so that she can see if he has a witch's mark on his shoulder.

I just want to lie around with him and smoke cigarettes and listen to Odetta records.

EXCUSE MY BEAUTY.

Half of my Witchboard photos are up at my best friend Jeff and I's brand new blog!

Who Needs to Read?

Nobody, that's who.

WITCHBOARD.

The Boyfriend and I were watching the Chiller network last night when an old favorite came on. I used to rent Witchboard from the Safeway by my house when I was kid, and can remember thinking that Tawny Kitane was about the most sophisticated and glamorous woman I could imagine. Couple that with my life long obsession with Ouija boards and you've got a Conkel favorite.

Oh my god, this movie is so much better as an adult. The cast is out to lunch, the script is retarded, and the whole thing feels like it was put together by a closeted homo. (It obsesses over Tawny's various outfits and keeps the two male leads shirtless throughout.) There is some wonderful photography of Lee press-on nails on ouija boards though, so there's that. Also, a new wave dyke psychic! Everybody wins!

I got inspired some took screen shots, but for technical reasons can't post them right now. I'm really sad that i wasn't fast enough to capture the amazing hat, pashmina, and onesy that Tawny Kitane wears to a funeral, but I'm only human. This is very distressing. I wanted to created a photo essay so that the whole world  could see what a  beautiful film it is, but it'll have to wait. In the mean time, please enjoy the trailer:

I promise that a photo essay is forthcoming.

LET US SPEAK OF PAT BENATAR.

I love Pat Benatar. I played her greatest hits cassette so much in fifth grade that it broke. This was in the early 90's- a full decade after Benatar's peak- so I feel especially wronged by the following. Apparently at a recent show with The Donnas (hello 10th grade!) Benatar introduced her masterpiece, Invincible, by joking that it was a good song she wrote for a bad movie.

Oh, Pat.

Of course she's referring to The Legend of Billie Jean, which for those not in the know, is a miraculous and important film that helped shape the way I think about rebellion and counter culture (use marbles to make people trip!) It's funny this happened, because I'd really been missing teenage rebellion films. Some of the must sees of which are:

The Legend of Billie Jean

Rock n' Roll High School

Over the Edge

Pump Up the Volume

Times Square

Foxfire (Which costars my homegirl Sarah. What up, girl?)

A Nightmare on Elm Street

Beat Girl

Ladies and Gentlemen... The Fabulous Stains!

This list could go on and on. I don't know why Pat decided to take a dump on my heart. I was obsessed with The Legend of Billie Jean. I think it helped shape my aesthetic as a playwright, for better or worse. In all honesty, I'm not saying it's a brilliant movie, but any work you spend so much time with is bound to shape you. I'm as influenced by The Legend of Billie Jean and punk rock and bad informercials as I am by... um... some high brow influences.

In fact, I've recently began outlining a screenplay. Yes, a movie! it is my own teenage rebellion film which will be inspired by The Legend of Billie Jean and the recent activity of Bash Back. The film will be about a pair of gay teens who are on the run from the law and unwittingly start a nationwide movement of teenage LGBT domestic terrorism. It'll be awesome.

ELLI ET JACNO.

To no one's surprise I've become obsessed with a French new wave duo called Elli et Jacno. From Wikipedia:

"Denis Quillard alias Jacno and Elli Medeiros decided to start a music duo after leaving the punk band The Stinky Toys. Jacno composed and performed the music and Elli sang and wrote the lyrics. They released three albums together before splitting up and beginning solo careers."

That's pretty much it. I haven't been able to find any of their albums, really. It's so unfair! I love Elli's vocals, the wimpy sound (I love wimpy drums and synth), and Jacno is total masturbation material.

Plus, it's French! I love Paris more than I love almost anything and constantly dream that I''ll one day live there and ride around on a moped. America gives me hives and is full of fatsos and birthers and stuff.

Look at this awesome video:

Or this one:

Basically, I just want my whole life to be like this scene from Les Nuits de la Pleine Lune, an 80's movie that Elli et Jacno did the soundtrack for:

I wanna be at that dance party! I WANT THAT TO BE MY LIFE!