Tarhearted.

TRANNY POWER.

Let this be a lesson to children every where... sometimes people who harass trannies on the subway get maced.

To my transgender sister I say, "get it, girl."

SAUCY.

Over on Parabsis there is a handy little tool that tells you who has recently commented so that you can click on a particular entry and read it. Naturally, my curiosity was peaked when I saw the following...

Recent Comments: Penis Stretching on an old post about cooking.

Naturally, I clicked through.

"That sauce is delicious!! Have you others recipes?" Clearly, Penis Stretching is a tiny British orphan a la Oliver! I clicked on Penis Stretching. It was awesome.

I know what somebody's getting for Hanukkah!

P.S. I've been spending too much time on that blog.

JOSHUA CONKEL IS FAMOUS (KIND OF.)

Holy shit! NY Press just named MilkMilkLemonade the best Off Off Broadway show of the year!

Check it out.

I'm so honored that I don't really care that they got my name wrong. I can't tell you how much I miss the show and wish we were still doing it. Somebody PLEASE make a deal with me so I can produce it in your theater. Who do you have to give a beej to in this town? Not to toot my own horn, but the play received nearly across the board raves, we turned away audiences almost every night, it's immediately got picked up by Playscripts, is getting published in Plays and Playwrights 2010, and was called Best Off Off Broadway Show by NY Press. Please, please, please little theaters of New York.... don't you want to help the career of a youngplaywright and make money at the same time?

Also, as my friend Jeff pointed out, because of a bit role as the "mean gallerist" in this movie (in which I'm also credited incorrectly) I'm now only three degrees from Kevin Bacon!

Josh Conkel, who was in Love You Back with Elli Fordyce, who was in Playing Doctor with Michael Ciesla, who was in Taking Chance with Kevin Bacon.

I'm a "Joshua", for the record. Anyway, I'm famous! Now I can get super tan and get the lip injeections I always wanted. Just like Cojo! See you at Fashion Week!

P.S. If you ever need a mean gay receptionist, waiter, gallerist, proctologist, day care provider, grifter hobo etc. for your short play or film then I AM YOUR GAY. Seriously, I'm a pro.

TODAY IN WTF!

Elder Dallin H. Oaks, the current head of the Church of Latter Day Saints, has said that Mormons are now as discriminated against as the blacks were during the civil rights era. he's talking about the boycotts and protests that happened after Prop 8 passed in California, which was by and large the doing of the Mormon church.

"In their effect they are like well-known and widely condemned voter-intimidation of blacks in the South that produced corrective federal civil-rights legislation."

The nerve of this guy! After his church lead the way in removing the human rights from thousands upon thousands of Californians he has the nerve to play the victim all because some fags no longer patronize his cousin Billy's burrito restaurant or whatever? As if. 

The ability of Christians (and in this case Mormons) to play the victim while at the same time using their religious beliefs to batter minority communities is astounding. It's called a victim complex, Oaks. Read up on it.

Need I point out that this is the same church that didn't allow black members until 1978? This from the church whose founder had the following to say of blacks:

You see some classes of the human family that are black, uncouth, uncomely, disagreeable and low in their habits, wild, and seemingly deprived of nearly all the blessings of the intelligence that is generally bestowed upon mankind .... Cain slew his brother. Cain might have been killed, and that would have put a termination to that line of human beings. This was not to be, and the Lord put a mark upon him, which is the flat nose and black skin. Trace mankind down to after the flood, and then another curse is pronounced upon the same race-that they should be the 'servant of servants'; and they will be, until that curse is removed; and the Abolitionists cannot help it, nor in the least alter that decree.

Bitch, nuh-hunh.

Oh, and just for fun, here's an old LDS created cartoon that explains the tenants of Mormonism quite nicely.

There's a great post on Pam Spaulding's blog about this.

WOOLIE BULLY.

I'm supposed to write a sexy play for Youngblood's November Brunch, which is erotically themed. My instinct, or course, is to write about furries, or pony play, or adult babies or something. I don't write sexy very well. When you deal almost exclusively in the absurd and the ugly, erotic is a tall order. And they want it erotic. Actually erotic. I have no idea what to write.

I feel like prostitution is cliche. I can't even decide if I want to write something gay or not. Gah!

While doing some research, however, I came across woolies.

You're welcome.

LIKE DELICATE LADIES.

It occurs to me that i may need to add a tag for "elegance" because sometimes the catch all "fashion" or "health and beauty" tags just won't suffice. Case in point: Allyson White, who even spells her name the elegant way.

I love waht she's wearing. Are thos epants or does she have a tie dyed blanket over her legs? Extra points for the cigarette, beer, and Cyndi Lauper in hard times hairdo. Anyway, Allyson (god, i'm crazy about that spelling) was definately NOT giving a beej when the driver of the car she was riding in crashed.

Quoth Allyson:

"I was not sucking his d*** - and it's pretty obvious that wasn't the case ... you only have to look at the mark on my chest," she said.

"Clearly I had my seatbelt on, so it's impossible that I'd be leaning over sucking his d*** unless he is hung like a donkey or I've got a f****** rubber neck."

"If it was true I'd just cop it sweet and think 'how embarrassing, I got caught sucking someone's d***' - but it is not true and that's what is p****** me off."

"I don't understand where that story has come from," she said.

"It may have looked bad when police first arrived as my girls were hanging out all over the place. I also had a $5 note wedged between my boobs so they probably just assumed I was a sex worker or something and he'd already paid me."

"But $5 is a bit cheap for a head job."

Too true, sister. too true.

Full story here.

THE HIPSTER GRIFTER.

I don't know why I didn't write about Kari Ferrell aka "the hipster grifter" when it was all the buzz a few months ago. I certainly had an interest. I was following the whole thing quite closely, actually, and would update The Boyfriend with all the latest developments on a regular basis.

I suppose it might be because all the coverage was so negative. Of course it was. She is a "hipster" which we're supposed to disdain, right? (Even though nearly everybody I know who hates hipsters actually is one.) Also, and more to the point, she swindled lots of people out of lots of money. So... um... that's bad.

The thing is, I really, really like her. I know! I can't help it though. Is it so wrong of me? People like Bonnie and Clyde, don't they? Billy the Kid? So maybe it's just natural for me to find an outlaw like Kari appealing. Maybe it's the under dog in me who also not-so-secretly thinks it would be hilarious to pretend to have an Ivy League MFA. (I still think that's an awesome idea, by the way. I apologized for getting sidetracked, not for my original point. And now I'm sidetracked again! Gah!) Also, Kari introduced me to two awesome sayings:

1. I want to give you a hand job with my mouth.

2. Throw a hot dog down my hallway.

She's like the tranny teens who were mugging people outside of an upscale Greenwich Village apartment building a few months ago and using the profits to buy wigs and makeup. In a word, AWESOME. Call me tarhearted, but I hope she gets everything she ever wanted and more. The street fags have a saying, and I would like to apply this saying to Kari.

"Get it, girl."

You can write to the woman herself while she's in prison, and I'm seriously considering it. It's unkind to make a hipster live in Utah. Cruel and unusual punishment! Write to Kari at:

K. Ferrell Inmate SO#: 295558
Salt Lake Correctional Facility
3415 South 900 West
Salt Lake City, UT 84119

I SMELL SHITTY PANTIES.

Oh, happy day! They've finally made a sequel to Jiz and the Mammograms, a youtube favorite amongst my friends. Its predecessor is comedy genius, so make sure to watch it first.

This is super NSFW or for life.

THANKS FOR NOTHING, AMERICA. YOU'RE FAT AND UGLY AND I HATE YOU. ALSO, YOU SMELL LIKE HAM.

Those fucking fuck fucks. They just shot down the first go at a public option. Read the full story at The Huffington Post.

Really, America? REALLY?

You know what? I just can't anymore. I'm French now. Are you happy? You made me French. I refuse to stand with the fatso, Christianist, mouth breathing, bottom feeders. Nor do I want to live under the rule of corporate hogs. So I'm done with America and I officially hate Capitalism. I'm now a French Socialist.

CRAZIES.

My girl Rachel Maddow had Frank Schaeffer on her show recently to talk about Evangelical Christians and it was, in a word, AMAZING.

Here is one part I particularly like. I feel like it gets to the heart of this thing.

MADDOW: How do you work to move people off of that position? It doesn’t seem like facts are relevant [to them] in trying to move people away from these beliefs.

SCHAEFFER: You don’t work to move them off this position. You move past them. Look, a village cannot reorganize village life to suit the village idiot. It’s as simple as that. And we have a village idiot in this country called fundamentalist Christianity…. There is no end to this stuff. Why? Because this subculture has as its fundamentalist faith that they distrust facts. They believe in a young earth 6,000 years old with dinosaurs [living at the same time as] human beings….  This is la-la land.

See? AMAZING. I hope against hope that people in this country are finally starting to speak out against those aggressively ignorant people who denigrate reason and expect our society to bend to their make believe. Enough is enough. No more crazies at the table.