Tarhearted.

THIS KITTY HAS TWO DADDIES.

I really feel like I can't call my blog Tarhearted anymore. In the past year I've quit smoking and drinking, started doing yoga, keeping a journal, and seeing a shrink. The final straw?

I adopted an adorable kitten.

Whenever I look at this picture my nasty heart beats a little faster. He's coming home on Saturday, so I've got to prepare by picking up the essentials.

Obviously I'll need food, a litter box and kitty litter, toys etc. I'm really into this cat bed, which sells for a mere ninety dollars at Petco:

Kitty will also need a kitty wig for extra glamour. I prefer this "shy blonde" model, that "sets off your kitty’s eyes and makes your kitty look tan."

Fantastic. I predict it'll be two weeks before I've covered everything I own with kitty images. My old roommate was a up-and-coming cat lady. She had a figurine of a cat pushing a kitten in a baby carriage. I always told her I thought it was effed up and creepy.

That figurine will be on my bedroom shelf in a New York minute!

CASIO LOOPY.

I always hated video games for the most part, unless you got to play royalty or a wizard or something. At no point in my life have I ever wanted to play a sport, let alone a simulated and animated sport. After all, sports kill taste.

That said, on a "blogosphere" binge this morning I discovered the Casio Loopy, a game console sold only in Japan during the mid 1990's. What's so awesome about it? I'm glad you asked. It was marketed to girls... and it prints stickers!

Apparently they only released eleven games before they shut down production, and most games were about boys or makeovers. Awesome! Here is a youtube video of Anime Land. I want to have a slumber party and play this, like, now:

THE START OF SOMETHING AWFUL.

After years of having a blog elsewhere (two, actually) I've decided to close up shop and start fresh. Or, you know... as fresh as a boy like me can get.

I'm calling this blog Tarhearted even though I'm actually a thoroughly sweet and endearing guy. Tarhearted is the other part of me. Tarhearted is the not-so-nice part I'm forced to keep silent. I write this up front as an excuse for the mean-spirited bile I will undoubtedly spew at any and all of the following things (and probably more):

-People with super long hair.
-Women who can't walk in heels but insist on wearing them anyway.
-People who walk slowly.
-Pixar.
-Folks in my neighborhood closely resembling the whores in American Apparel advertising.
-Gay dudes who dress like fraternity brothers.
-Larry the Cable Guy.
-Christians.
-Gauchos.
-Anybody who incurs my jealousy.

And that list will keep growing.

I apologize up front for things I might write. You know... just as a courtesy.

Best,
Tarhearted