I hope everybody had a relaxing 4th of July weekend. I know I did. In fact, some of it was forced relaxation, as I developed a weird fever and had to stay in one night.
Have you guys heard of the Fox Reality Channel? Oh my god, it's the worst television programming ever. By worst, I mean the BEST, obviously. My fever sweats only made it more enjoyable.
First I watched a show called Sex Decoy: Love Stings, which seemed to be a trashier version of Cheaters (if you can imagine that.) This is a reality show wherein those who suspect their partner is cheating send in a sexy decoy to tempt them into confirming their suspicions.
There was a commercial for another show wherein scantily clad women show off their boobs and bootie to a panel of douche bags who, if they like what they see, raise their pelvis to say "schwing" a la Wayne's World. This is a timely reference if ever there was one.
Clearly, quality programming.
My favorite commercial was for Flirty Girl Fitness, an at-home workout that utilizes sexy dancing and a stripper's pole. And it even comes with a pole!
Women who buy into this sort of thing often talk about how empowering it is. I don't know though. I kind of don't buy the whole post-feminist "I can be a stripper and a feminist" mentality. As my good friend's Upper East Side grandmother once told her, "You can grab a man by his brain or you can grab a man by his balls, but you can't do both."
I'm reminded, of course, of the lovely Lulu from John Waters' masterpiece Polyester, and I leave you with her:
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