Tarhearted.

DISPATCHES FROM THE OTHER AMERICA.

It never ceases to amaze me how quickly people who don't even consider New York part of the "real America" are to embrace the tragedy of 9/11 as their own. They come here in their ugly clothes and stand at Ground Zero, soft pretzels in hand, and wrap themselves in phony patriotic sadness. Then they go back to Omaha or wherever and complain about how rude New Yorkers are and how filthy our city is.

A Sarah Palin tweet: "Peaceful New Yorkers, pls refudiate the Ground Zero mosque plan if you believe catastrophic pain caused @ Twin Towers site is too raw, too real."

New Yorkers @ Sarah Palin: STFU already.

Read all about it here.

TALKIN' 'BOUT MY GENERATION.*

This positive review for I'll Be Damned makes me think it would be a show I'd like. But what's with the critic's swipe at Millennials?

"Though this Jaradoa Theater production is set in the '80s, perhaps to justify barfy costumes, Louis has the bad qualities of Millennials, not Gen-Xers—he's entitled, virginal, and coddled by his helicopter mom..."

I've seen critics doing this a lot lately on the interwebs and it kind of bugs me. I mean, I guess it makes sense. Everybody hates people younger than them. I know I do! I'm the oldest possible age to be considered a Millennial. And it's not like I disagree with that assessment of my generation, either. It's just that:

1. It reeks of tacky jealousy and old fogey-ism. "Those crazy kids with their sexting and their chatroulettes!"
2. It dismisses an entire generation of people and, admit it or don't, there's much about Millennials that's admirable too.

Why, that's like dismissing baby boomers for being selfish, sell-out hypocrites (they are) while ignoring all the amazing things they accomplished (which they did.) That's like calling Gen X lazy and shiftless (they are) but ignoring... um... irony? Grunge? It's kind of unfair, is all.

*This is the title of a song from a long time ago or something.

FOUR THINGS

1. Meet my new tattoo. Il s'appelle Henri. Bonjour, Henri!

2. I am completely obsessed with Vajazzling. I'm constantly now questioning whether women are walking around with costume gems on their cha-chas. Please think about vajazzling all the time, like when you have a sweet waitress, deal with your female accountant, or call your mother on the phone.

3. Ever since I moved to New York in 2003 I've been obsessed with discarded hair extensions. For a while I was even scooping them up to use later in a macrame project until my friends chided me too many times. Still, I get so excited when an old hair extension on my stoop. Well, my friend Jeff tipped me off to the fact that these discarded hair extensions have a name: tumbleweave. That term is too amazing.

4. I'm finally, FINALLY, getting my soap opera off the ground. Sinking Hearts will have it's first episode as part of the HOT! Festival at Dixon Place on Monday, July 12th at 9:00 PM. Tickets are $10 each and can be purchased here.

In Sinking Hearts I play (yes, I'm acting!) a psychic Navy wife named Misty Nagel who moves to a secluded submarine base in Washington State with her sailor husband and bitch daughter. There are lots of questions to be answered, and with the help of her alcoholic neighbor and new BFF, Crystal Firby, Misty intends on solving them. Questions like: Is Misty's husband, Chuck, a total fag? Will Misty's 12 year-old daughter Madison beat her to death with a brick? Where are all the neighbors disappearing to and what's with all these giant insects, anyway? Find out the answers to these questions and more on Sinking Hearts!

IT RHYMES WITH SCHMAMORTION.

This bitch tried to sell her baby for $25 in a Walmart parking lot. She's so dumb though. She could have gotten $50 at Target. When police showed up to arrest her and her 38 year-old boyfriend they were strung out on meth. Of course they were. Look at her face:

Ugh. Nothing terrifies quite like meth. How any gay man takes that shit is beyond me. Anyway, then I read this story about a stripper mom who punched her kid for trying to hug her as she was abandoning them. Nice!

I read both of these stories after seeing this ad on the subway this morning:

Really? REALLY? You know what else changes you? Having a fucking baby, asshole. I'm so sick of "pro-lifers" who only give a shit about life for the nine months it's inside some poor teenager's womb. It's no surprise that these are usually the same people who don't support welfare and social programs. I mean, just because you force women to have babies it doesn't mean you have to help support them, right? Of course not! Just give them to the military or one of our many McPrisons when they're old enough and let them sort themselves out.

Ugh. America FAIL.

Abortions for everybody! My treat!

QUICK UPDATE.

I was just thinking that I wanted to make Hipster Grifter t-shirts that had Kari's face in a heart and then said, "Get it, girl!" God, I love grifters.

And then I found actual t-shirts. I wish I could design. Sigh.

Speaking of hipsters, my new tattoo is coming on Saturday. Hooray!

REASON #392 TO HATE SARAH PALIN.

Oh no she didn't.

So sayeth Sarah Palin: "Go back to what our founders and our founding documents meant -- they're quite clear -- that we would create law based on the God of the bible and the ten commandments. "

Listen to me and listen to me good, witch. I'm sick to death of the misguided notion that this is or has ever been a Christian nation. (Okay, it kind of is now but only because of retards like you.) Our founding fathers were largely Deists as was the fashion among the intelligentsia at the time of the American Revolution.

What is Deism? From Dictionary.com:

–noun

1.

belief in the existence of a god on the evidence of reason and nature only, with rejection of supernatural revelation (distinguished from theism).

2.

belief in a God who created the world but has since remained indifferent to it.

Sure, the founding fathers may have believed in god, but they sure as hell didn't believe that Adam and Eve lived among the dinosaurs like the fucking Flintstones.

So get off my tit already with this Christian nonsense and stop using your crazy old cult to deny people's civil rights, suppress women, marginalize people of other faiths, ignore climate change etc.

You. Suck.

INTRODUCING KEVIN KELLER.

 

Admit it.

You're excited that Riverdale High has its first openly gay student, mega hunk Kevin Keller. So he's gay. No big deal!Of course Veronica falls head over heel sin love with him in his first Archie appearance. She's a woman of exquisite tastes.

Let' s just hope the students don't throw a decoy prom to get rid of him or worse, throw him off a cliff in a murder attempt.

Best of luck at your new school, Kevin! P.S. I like your hair.

STATES TO HATE.

 

This write-up on why Arizona is totally the worst state got me thinking; what state do I hate the most? I'm tempted to say Utah (because of Mormons) or West Virginia (just because) but I've never actually been to either of those states, so that would make me a total asshole. I don't really care for the desert states either, but only because I don't really like the desert. I don't have any passion about it- though I might if I had to discuss immigration with one of these fucktards in Arizona.

My favorite state? That's easy. It's Washington. I like how it's neatly tucked into the corner. It's stunningly beautiful there and the people are fairly progressive without being as obnoxious about it as Californians (for the most part.) I like the fog at night and the mist that keeps your skin feeling so fresh. I like the way it smells in the morning after its rained. Speaking of rain, did you know Washington has the only rain forest in the United States? It's true, and it's mind boggling how beautiful it is there. AND Washington has a desert. Or if not a desert a desert/plain. It has everything, plus it has Seattle, the Emerald City I miss so much.

I love New York City like mad, but I don't really know much about the state as a whole. I rarely leave the city, having no car. I'm getting married in Connecticut next year, despite never having been there. Vermont seems nice and I'm kind of obsessed with Maine. Chicago was really cool, but no beach? I don't know. I'm not sold.

I was born in Kentucky. It's very pretty, but there's something I find incredibly depressing about it. Plus, it's not the greatest place for gay dudes to live. I'll admit a distaste for Florida, but that's unfair because I've only been to Northern Florida, which is really just Alabama, and Central Florida, which is really just The Olive Garden. I'm excited to go to Ft. Lauderdale in June, because I think I might actually like the real Florida.

I loathe Texas on principle for its conservatism and idiocy, but in my heart of hearts I love big hair and shiny garments. I was also wild about Dallas (the series) for a while and wanted to move there and just wear gold all the time and work on my alcoholism. Plus they have Austin in Texas, so it's not all bad.

Anyway, I can't decide. How about you? What state do you hate?

POPE GETS OLDER.

Wonkette is awesome for coining the terms "Pope Nazi Pedobear" and "Emperor of Rape" and for creating this gif.

 

AN UPDATE FROM EARTH.

I've been extraordinarily busy lately producing The Management's new show while writing a play and a book and planning a wedding and working my full-time job. There's very little time for the interwebs, which gives me the sads big time.

Some updates:

1. From CNN, Obama orders hospitals that receive federal funds to allow gay couple visitations rights. This is wonderful news, but also a reminder of how hard lgbt folks have to fight for even the smallest shred dignity.

Still, good on Barack. It took a year, but he's finally starting to grow a pair. Now let's hope for real financial reform and a progressive Supreme Court Justice.

2. I read this novel, Josephine Mutzenbacher - The Life Story of a Viennese Whore, as Told by Herself, and all I can say is wow. I bought it on a lark at a secret bookstore because I collect vintage, kitschy porn novels (like Hot Crotch Nurses), among other things. 

Yikes. 

This is really, really graphic and banned in several countries. The book was written by an anonymous Vienna man who, as it turned out when he fessed up shortly before death, was a respected journalist.. It's the fictional autobiography of Josefine Mutzenbacher and ends with her happily finding work at a brothel. The majority of the book though spans from age 5 to 12, during which time Josefine becomes a happy nymphomaniac. What. The. Fuck? This novel made me super uncomfortable. i got the sense it's a fun, cheeky read for its intended audience, but it just gave me the shivers.

 

3. My play, MilkMilkLemonade, was published in the anthology, Plays and Playwrights 2010. Please come to the book party this Monday, April 19th at Dixon Place and join me for a drink. The original cast will read a scene from the play and I'll sign your book.

Pertinent info is here.

I've gotten a couple of stinging, high profile rejections in the past couple of weeks so this should take the edge off a little.

4. How on god's green earth have I never seen Corvette Summer? Who would ever think to cast Luke Skywalker and Annie Potts as romantic leads in a teen movie? Somebody brilliant, that's who. And Annie Potts is a teenage prostitute? Wrap it up. I'll take it.

Also, the title card at the end of the trailer is so beautiful I want to tattoo it across my face.