Am I the only one who misses the tough, feminist Queen Latifah? This one?
Also, I just remembered a segment from MTV back in the day where Latifah is giving a tour of the video store she owned, commenting "adult films are in the back." I kind of loved the idea of renting a dirty video and then having Queen Latifah at the counter when I got there. Did I dream this?
Anyway, I blame Living Single (even though I love it.) If you haven't seen this opening in a while, do yourself a favor. God, I'm glad the 90's are coming back.
Still, I miss the Latifah who wrote U-N-I-T-Y, which was heavily featured in my favorite indie film as a teenager, Girls Town, a movie in which a 35 year-old Lilli Taylor plays a teenage mother from the ghetto (remarkably well, actually.)
It came out around the time I was only hanging out with riot grrls, none of whom were very into hip hop but ALL of whom loved, loved, loved U-N-I-T-Y.
(Note to Queen Latifah, you can't be a strong woman and be a closeted lesbian at the same time. Just saying.)
The Fiance and I watched National Lampoon's Vacation On Demand last night and I came to a disturbing realization: I totally have wood for Chevy Chase circa 1982.
The entire movie he's basically dressed like any hipster dude on Bedford Avenue- skinny jeans, over sized glasses- the whole package. What a hot dad! The Fiance and I were having brunch at Lodge about a year ago and there were all these bratty little toddlers around.
ME: What's with all these effing kids? I hate all these yuppie parents moving into Williamsburg with their spawn.
FIANCE: they're not just now moving here. They're the same age as us and they're starting to have babies.
That's when I realized the hipsters are breeding. The downside? Children at brunch. The upside? Amazing hipster D.I.L.F.s. I don't know why, but a dude in skinny jeans with a baby? HOT. Anyway, look at these pictures and tell me I'm wrong.
The Fiance and I recently had the most wonderful double feature. We watched Mac and Me followed by Jennifer's Body.
What can I say about Mac and Me that wasn't already said brilliantly in this A.V. Club feature? Basically it's just a brokedown E.T. ripoff that has more product placement than any movie I'v ever seen, particularity by McDonald's, Skittles and Coca-Cola. (SPOILER: Coke actually brings somebody back from the dead at one point.) It's a hilariously awful movie, and this McDonald's dance number sums it up pretty well. (Incidentally, Ronald McDonald was billed as one of the film's stars, even though he is only in this scene.) One of the real stars was Broadway darling Christine Ebersole. Thank god her career didn't end here.
Jennifer's Body was much, much better than I thought it was going to be. When i look back on how poorly it was received I have to wonder: were people just waiting to take Diablo Cody down a peg?
Jennifer's Body takes place in a fictional small town called Devil's Kettle, so named because of a waterfall that streams into a hole with seemingly no bottom. The story focuses on Anita (nicknamed Needy, played by Amanda Seyfried) and her lifelong best friend Jennifer (played by Megan Fox). Needy is sort of smart and mousy and thoughtful. Jennifer is gorgeous and boy crazy and wild. They're pretty much your classic odd couple.
All is fine until poor Jennifer falls prey to a shitty indie band from the city who, thinking she's a virgin, want to sacrifice her to the devil in exchange for fame and fortune. But Jennifer's no virgin. Apparently, when you sacrifice a "tainted" girl you still get your wish, but instead of dying the girl becomes a hideous succubus who must feed off men's flesh to survive. What follows is a smart, funny teen horror movie from a pop feminist perspective.
The movie isn't perfect, but it's a teen horror flick, a genre in which flaws often add to the charm. The film's detractors just come across as utter bored to me now that I've seen it. But maybe that's just personal.
Before I watched it several people remarked to me that it reminded them of my play,The Chalk Boy. Sure enough, my Clear Creek is a lot like Cody's Devil's Kettle and there are tons of shared themes: small town misery, witchcraft, possible lesbianism, shifting alliances, the corporatization of small towns, and shitty moms. (Amy Sedaris plays the mom!) Also, the movie ends with "Violet" by Hole, which I've always wanted to use as a curtain call. When i wrote a play about teenage Wiccans everybody kind of rolled their eyes at me. I guess it must just be a generational thing?
Anyway, just likeThe Chalk Boy, Jennifer's Body is awesome. If you don't like it you're an asshole.
I saw Avatar with the fiance this past weekend. I'm glad we saw it in 3-D, because the effects were neat to look at. The movie itself? Not so much.
A few thoughts in a bulleted list:
It looked like one of my heroes, Lisa Frank, finally made a movie! I could have used a lot more glitter pandas or pegasus scenes though. Or a rainbow waterfall. Does anybody remember if there was a rainbow waterfall? There was a glitter tree, but I don't think there was a rainbow waterfall.
My favorite character was Lesbian Soldier, a hot dyke extra who was in the background for all of the non Avatar scenes. I got so excited when she got a line three fourths of the way through the movie, and then she followed it up with an old fashioned Arsenio Hall 'whoo! whoo! whoo!" with fist rotations. Exquisite. Playing Spot the Lesbian Soldier is a lot like one of my old favorite games, which is Spot Nerd Girl in Grease 2 (I wish I could find a photo.)
It really bothers me when white people fetishize ethnic minorites. Enough said.
I kept thinking of titles I would have liked better. Glow World was one. Adventures on Tie Dye Planet was another. How about Glow World: Adventures on Tie Dye Planet?
Furries, furries, everwhere! This is a furry dude's favorite jerk off movie, hands down. There was a furry love scene beneath the glitter tree that made me guffaw and subsequently get the evil eye from my neighbors.
All in all, what a horrible mess of a script. Still, it was pretty and glittery and maybe that is enough. I did think it was weird that it won Best Drama at The Golden Globes. Suck it, Precious. You should've been in 3-D!
The Fiance and I rented 500 Days of Summer On Demand last night. We both found it supremely annoying. SPOILERS THROUGHOUT...
I love Amelie. I count some of Wes Anderson's movies among my favorites of all time. That said, maybe I'm all quirked out. This movie had so many tricks and gimmicks there was barely any room for a story. Non-linear story telling, split screen scenes with one side labeled "expectations" and the other "reality", dreams told in the style of French new wave, and a random musical number? Stop it, already.
Tricks like these work best when, like a song in a musical, they propel a story forward. When they are the only way to keep telling the story. In 500 Days of Summer they come so frequently and so randomly that they interrupt what little story there is. And the story is bare.
Right from the beginning we know that things are not going to work out between Tom and Summer. How? A random narrator tells us so! Anyway, we have two polar opposites here. Tom believes that one can never truly be happy unless one has love. Summer believes that love is a myth and never wants to be tied down. What we see is the 500 days in which Tom falls for and is ultimately left broken hearted by Summer, who just wants to be friends even though she keeps fucking him. (God, women are so hard to read!)
This movie was so cloying, precious, insincere, and pleased with itself that I wanted to ralph. The script also betrays the character Summer in the last act so hard I wanted to scream. Add that to the heavy marketing of Urban Outfitters, Anthropology and Ikea, whip in a few references to The Smiths and Belle and Sebastian and you have a recipe to annoy.
I honestly can't understand why people like this movie so much. I felt like I was being pandered to. HARD. God, this must be why people ten years older than me hated Reality Bites so much. "Here you go, Gen Xers... a movie for YOU."
500 Days of Summer. Finally, a movie more irritating than Garden State!
EDIT: We washed this movie out of our brains immediately with John waters' Desperate Living. It was the best antidote for the earlier film's cloying cuteness.
I hate New Year's Eve. A lot. There's so much pressure to have an amazing night that changes you life or something. I don't even have plans yet. Part of me just want to go home and watch 200 Cigarettes, one of those mediocre movies that you love anyway just because they came at a particular time in your life.
200 Cigarettes, if you haven't seen it, revolves around bohemians in New York's East Village on New Year's Eve in 1981. It came out in 1999, long before the craze of 80's nostalgia, when I was a senior in high school and living in a small town in Washington State that I hated. Living in New York was a vague dream of mine and people made fun of me because I liked new wave music, which was old and totally passe. I hate "cool" taste too. I liked Built to Spill and Sleater-Kinney and all the bands I was supposed to like. But my first loves were new wave and classic punk.(All of those people regretted it in a couple of years when it became cool and I became a valuable resource in discovering cool new wave and punk bands.)
At any rate, I was waiting for a movie like 200 Cigarettes. The final result was a little disappointing, sure, but there's still a lot of good stuff. The cast is amazing. The costumes and soundtrack are to die for. Plus... 80's New York! That can't be beat, except maybe by 70's New York.
Also, it's always nice to see pre-surgery nightmare Courtney Love, who was another teenage obsession of mine.
God, how I miss Courtney Love. Oh, she filled me with hometown pride. Remember when she crashed that Madonna interview? You don't? Here it is:
Amazing. Let's revisit Hole, shall we?
P.S. I guess I'm just a nostalgic person. Now I'm missing the 90's.
In the honorable tradition of Tarhearted's favorite films like The Apple or Samurai Cop, comes The Room (2003).
What is there to say about this movie, other than "wow?" The Room is a seemingly earnest art film written by, directed by, executive produced by and starring Tommy Wiseau, who is the head of the production company Wiseau Films, natch.
He's also very swarthy:
The Room is becoming a cult classing via screenings in L.A. and New York. I can't really describe the plot to you with any accuracy, but let me just say that everything about The Room gets it wrong. Literally every aspect is horrible: the writing, the acting, the cinematography, the costumes, the sets, the lighting.... all epic fails. Oh, what a happy accident!
I would also be remiss if I didn't bring up the many loves scenes between Tommy's character "Johnny" and his female love interest, whom The Boyfriend aptly pointed out resembled a "dollop of mayonnaise." There is something wrong with Tommy's skin, you guys. I don't know what it is, but it doesn't look right. It's... discolored? And loose? And he has a lot of sex scenes.
Apparently, Wiseau now claims that the movie is a black comedy and intentionally bad. I don't buy it. Either way, what a delight! Please put The Room at number one on your queue.
House of the Devil gave me a craving for early 1980's horror films, so I'm seeking out ones I haven't seen. This is no small task, as I've seen a lot of bad 80's horror films despite my cruel, cruel mother's attempts to block her baby boy from seeing gems like this:
(Footnote: one of my acting teachers was in this movie. He was also in Car Wash. Awesome!)
Anyway, I've collected a few trailers of movies that look amazing.
The first is He Knows You're Alone, a movie about a killer who knocks off women on the nights before their weddings. I love, love, love this trailer. From the looks of it, the only thing that could make this movie better would be to add musical numbers.
Don't Go in the House also looks amazing. Apparently it contains a discotheque scene as well, so earns extra points, especially since disco was totally passe by the time this came out. Hilarious.
They had Blood Beach at my video store and this is the movie I specifically remember begging my mother to rent for me because I liked the cover.
Please keep in mind that I was about four years old, which is hilarious to me in retrospect. I really felt it was unjust that my mother wouldn't let me see this. Her is the gorgeous trailer:
And this is the creme de la creme, the ultimate in aesthetic candy, Killer Workout aka Aerobicide. This movie combines two of my great loves so brilliantly: 80's horror and 80's aerobic culture. (I once wrote an in depth essay on the psychology behind Olivia Newton John's video for "Physical".)
Thanksgiving was beautiful and I'm back to work and feeling renewed. The Boyfriend and I had ten people over and managed to throw together a lovely Thanksgiving meal. Now, here are four things I'd like to bring your attention to:
1. I watched the beautiful french musical, Love Songs, or Les chansons d'amour if you're so inclined. It made miss miss Paris so hard. It's still my fantasy to live there somehow. Too bad it's near impossible. Anyhow, it's a beautiful film with hot boy-on-boy action and it stars this hot piece:
The music is stunning and at a lot of moments it really reminded me of one of my favorite films of all time, The Umbrellas of Cherbourg.
Here is the trailer:
2. I'm so in love with this San Francisco band, Girls, and their single "Lust for Life."
"The Girls" was always one of my band names on reserve, in case I ever had one. I won't, so I'm glad to gift it to them, sans "the."
The video is also adorable. The dude with the short hair who mouths the lyric "maybe if I really try with all of my heart..." is super cute.
I love New York a lot, but I'm a West Coast boy at heart. I would love to live in San Francisco, but I'm afraid that I wouldn't be able to find a job there.
3. I wrote an episode of Hooray! Confidence. This is a web series that my friend Nikole and I want to make about two alcoholic, hateful, loser shut-ins who embark on a journey of self-improvement. It'll be kind of a ghetto Absolutely Fabulous. Or something? Anyway, fun stuff! details to come.
4. Episode One of my soap opera, Sinking Hearts, is finished. I don't want to say much about it yet, but inspirations include Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman and The Metamorphasis by Kafka.
This interview only cements Mary Woronov's place as one of my favorite people of all time. It's also nice to see somebody else who feels the same way I do about acting.
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