1. Meet my new tattoo. Il s'appelle Henri. Bonjour, Henri!
2. I am completely obsessed with Vajazzling. I'm constantly now questioning whether women are walking around with costume gems on their cha-chas. Please think about vajazzling all the time, like when you have a sweet waitress, deal with your female accountant, or call your mother on the phone.
3. Ever since I moved to New York in 2003 I've been obsessed with discarded hair extensions. For a while I was even scooping them up to use later in a macrame project until my friends chided me too many times. Still, I get so excited when an old hair extension on my stoop. Well, my friend Jeff tipped me off to the fact that these discarded hair extensions have a name: tumbleweave. That term is too amazing.
4. I'm finally, FINALLY, getting my soap opera off the ground. Sinking Hearts will have it's first episode as part of the HOT! Festival at Dixon Place on Monday, July 12th at 9:00 PM. Tickets are $10 each and can be purchased here.
In Sinking Hearts I play (yes, I'm acting!) a psychic Navy wife named Misty Nagel who moves to a secluded submarine base in Washington State with her sailor husband and bitch daughter. There are lots of questions to be answered, and with the help of her alcoholic neighbor and new BFF, Crystal Firby, Misty intends on solving them. Questions like: Is Misty's husband, Chuck, a total fag? Will Misty's 12 year-old daughter Madison beat her to death with a brick? Where are all the neighbors disappearing to and what's with all these giant insects, anyway? Find out the answers to these questions and more on Sinking Hearts!
This bitch tried to sell her baby for $25 in a Walmart parking lot. She's so dumb though. She could have gotten $50 at Target. When police showed up to arrest her and her 38 year-old boyfriend they were strung out on meth. Of course they were. Look at her face:
Ugh. Nothing terrifies quite like meth. How any gay man takes that shit is beyond me. Anyway, then I read this story about a stripper mom who punched her kid for trying to hug her as she was abandoning them. Nice!
I read both of these stories after seeing this ad on the subway this morning:
Really? REALLY? You know what else changes you? Having a fucking baby, asshole. I'm so sick of "pro-lifers" who only give a shit about life for the nine months it's inside some poor teenager's womb. It's no surprise that these are usually the same people who don't support welfare and social programs. I mean, just because you force women to have babies it doesn't mean you have to help support them, right? Of course not! Just give them to the military or one of our many McPrisons when they're old enough and let them sort themselves out.
Facebook has an application that tells you what the number one song was on the day you were born. The Fiance's was a Bee Gees song. Mine was a John Lennon song. That is, mine was a John Lennon song in the United States. In England the number one song was, "No One Quite Like Grandma" by St. Winifred's School Choir.
Yes, seriously.
Check this creepy shit out. What is wrong with you, England? This was a number one song in December of 1980? What, you don't like Olivia Newton-John?
I've always wanted to write a musical and I feel that this might be the perfect story. Thank god I saw it on my office building's elevator TV thingy.
THE DATING GAME KILLER!
This is the stuff that nightmares are made of. From the USA Today:
Two weeks ago in Southern California, Rodney Alcala was convicted of murdering four women and a girl between 1977 and 1979. Today, CNN reports that during that period the serial killer was the winning bachelor on an episode of The Dating Game. He had already been convicted of raping an 8-year-old girl.
On
the popular ABC TV show (created by Chuck Barris), a female contestant
would question three bachelors she could hear but not see and choose
one for a date.
Here's some of what happened in 1978 on what was then The New Dating Game:
"Bachelor
No. 1 is a successful photographer who got his start when his father
found him in the dark room at the age of 13, fully developed," host Jim
Lange said. "Between takes you might find him sky-diving or
motorcycling. Please welcome Rodney Alcala."
After the other two bachelors were introduced, questioner Cheryl Bradshaw began with Alcala.
"What's your best time?" she asked.
"The best time is at night," Alcala answered with a wide smile. "Nighttime."
Jed
Mills is a veteran television and film actor who was Bachelor No. 2 in
1978 and sat next to Alcala. "He was creepy. Definitely creepy," Mills
told CNN. "He was a standout creepy guy in my life."
Although Bradshaw chose Alcala, she refused to go out with him.
Within months of his winning appearance, Alcala abducted and murdered a 12-year-old girl.
CNN asked crime profiler Pat Brown to analyze Alcala's Dating Game performance.
"He
was aware that he could say things that were considered sexy and funny
and the girl would like that," Brown said. "He watched the game and he
gave those answers and he won, so he learned some tricks. But a
psychopath's true nature comes seeping through.
"When you go back
and look, what's most fascinating is that he had already committed a
crime, raped a little girl. Here is a man portraying himself as a
desirable young man when he is a violent sexual predator of children."
Brown suggested that being rejected can have a profound impact on serial killers.
Alcala,
66, is defending himself in the penalty phase of the trial, hoping to
persuade a Santa Ana jury to reject the death penalty.
Rodney then:
Rodney now:
OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!
I wish I wasn't so fascinated by this stuff. I'm totally going to have nightmares about this dude, and yet I'll still read everything I can find on him. For the record, I've already written one play about a town plagued by a serial murderer of teenage boys (THE CHALK BOY) and am currently writing a play about the same town under siege by a serial rapist (currently entitled KABLAMMO! OR THE SLUTS OF SUTTON DRIVE.) Would writing a musical based on this guy be overkill?
OVERKILL, get it!? Ha! I KILL me.
Okay, I'm done.
UPDATE: Oh dear god, there is a clip from the episode.
P.S. I still want somebody to write a beautiful, earnest, tragic opera about the pregnancy pact. Please, somebody, write that opera.
P.P.S. i watched this interview with Aileen Wuornos filmed just before she was executed and my hair turned gray. I literally cannot stop myself from consuming this media. WARNING: This video is terrifying.
Hey, queens! Just a quick note to let you know that MilkMilkLemonade (the most dazzling and important American play since Inherit the Crucible by that old dead guy) is now available from Playscripts. Of course you'll want to buy a hundred copies each.
Here is a partial list of things you could do with MilkMilkLemonade scripts:
-Use them to memorize and then produce a real live play in your theater or performance space!
-Eat them! Suck on them!
-Fill your bathtub with them and just relax.
-Build a miniature New York City from scripts and then revel in destroying it. "Take that, Manahattan! I'm HUGE!"
-Burn them in a big barrel to keep warm (or just because you love Jesus.)
I'll soon be getting my third tattoo. My old friend Jen (one of the animators of The Venture Bros on Adult Swim!) has agreed to draw it for me. She drew my first tattoo, which I still love so hard two years later.
This time I'm getting the other shoulder done. I'm getting a portrait of my mother. jen is doing an illustration of my mom's school picture from the early 1960's. It's beautiful. It's in black and white and mom is staring straight ahead with her black bob and cat eye glasses without even a hint ant a smile. Oh, mom! You always bring the realness! I'll post the photo as soon as I scan it.
Anyway, I was trolling the interwebs for hot tattoos, which was fun, but then I found it more fun to search for busted, ugly tattoos instead. These are among the treasures I found:
I actually really miss crazy, bald Britney.
(These two are father and son, natch!)
And, just for good measure, I actually think this is a pretty awesome tattoo. Hell, why not have a sense of humor?
I'm bored of the way I look and I want a new hairstyle. Generally when i get my haircut I get some variation on the cuts these Burberry models are sporting (especially the one on the right):
Keep in mind that i don't look like that because I'm a regular person and not a model. Anyway, I'd kind of like to start wearing my hair in a more classic slicked back look like George Clooney in this photo:
Or fashion favorite (and boner jam) Chuck Bass in this photo:
Can I do this without being a douchebag? Can I pull it off? If so, is it an every day look or only for certain occasions?
Also, I just bought these glasses, which I plan to take to my optometrist to put in regular prescription lenses.
I love sunglasses turned into regular glasses. That's how I got these Ralph Lauren frames.
Also, I just bought a bright yellow coat that I may or may not be too shy to wear.
I read this on Joe.My.God an sprained my eyes from rolling them so hard. This guy is a columnist for Catholic Exchange and clearly has some outdated thoughts on gender roles. Enjoy:
"As for that natural male aggressiveness; no longer is it guided toward
its good and useful application, it’s just treated with Ritalin and
deprogrammed away. And what do we have to show for it now? A
metro-sexual class of soft-bellied fellas who are inept at taking
charge and making decisions, yet are strangely proficient at plucking
their own eyebrows in traffic as they head to their 4 o’clock pedi.
"My daughters are now young ladies and — please God
— neither one of them seems very likely to become one of those
overwhelmed moms who lie awake at night staring at the ceiling after
coming to the horrible realization that they married their best
girlfriend. Even so, I worry for all of those little boys out there
whose parents have bought into the lie and just don’t get it. If I had
had a young son sitting next to me watching the Olympics you can bet he
wouldn’t be left to witness the charade of men’s figure skating without
some much needed observations from his dear ol’ Neanderthal Dad." - Catholic Exchange columnist Louie Varrecchio, complaining about this year's Olympic male figure skaters.
Okay, never mind the irony of hearing about the merits of traditional masculinity from a dude who looks like Corky St. Clair from Waiting for Guffman. I have real issues with this kind of idealogy, even from his first statement. I can only imagine what Mr. Varrecchio thinks about gay or transgender people (I have a guess), but let's set even that aside for a moment.
I don't believe in "natural male aggressiveness," or at least not to the extent that folks like Varrecchio do. People have all sorts of relationships to their gender, not just the two sizes the Catholic Church tries to sell you. Of course being a straight male, Varrecchio has never had to think about gender representation much. If he were queer or trans or maybe even a straight woman- people who have had to think about such issues their entire lives- he would know better.
I think that boys are trained in aggression, not born with it. It's part of the whole "boys don't cry" dogma that people like Varrecchio perpetuate. It's problematic for men, who grow up unable to process emotion and subsequently channel everything into anger and aggression. Couple this with all the women out there who've been trained to be submissive and weak willed and you've got a real problem. It's a bummer for the rest of us, because these deficient people get to vote and make policy just like we do.
I also hope that Varrecchio's girls don't become overwhelmed moms who lie awake at night. That is, I hope they don't swallow the bullshit they've been handed by their father and their church and use birth control until they're ready to have children (if they want them.)
As for his dig at Johnny Weir, he is an Olympic athlete. What did you ever do besides writing poorly thought out opinion peices based on a prehistoric understanding of the world for a junk "newspaper." JERK!
And just to prove a point:
Louis
Corky
By the way, this is the exact moment in Waiting for Guffman when Corky is telling the camera crew that he imagined he would become a construction work "with the chaps" and perhaps "one of those sweeping kind of hats." Amazingness.
3. The American right wing (who inspired this bill to begin with and who have ties to all of these nutso Ugandan "ministers") need to speak out against these actions immediately. Seriously, why have they been so silent on this? Could it be because they don't actually care if gay people are murdered by angry mobs in Africa? Can it be that they actually think this is a good thing?
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