Pig fart Ron Prentice, of Protect Marriage dot com, has been named one of the unsexiest men by The Phoenix!
He's in the thirties, so he could have been a little higher, but I'll take it. I like that bologna face Rush Limbaugh is number one. Also, good call on Kelsey Grammar!
Fifteen-year-old me is sad that Robert Smith of The Cure made the list, but I recognize that a middle-aged Smith does resemble the elderly Liz Taylor.
We're all getting older.
From Married to the Sea:
I'm currently working on two new plays. The first play is about an effeminate little boy who lives a lonely life on a farm. His only friend is a depressed chicken named Linda, who he's trying to rescue from being "processed". Standing in his way is his cancer-ridden Granny, who roams around the farm all day with her oxygen tank spouting off demensia babble, and a little boy rapist who lives down the road.
The two little boys might be played by women, a la Mary martin in Peter Pan. But, like, more fucked up, obviously. I think Granny should be played by a middle-aged man with a shaved head and pendulous fake breasts. Linda the Chicken will be played by a woman in a chicken suit, naturally.
It might also be a musical.
The other play is written to be performed in my apartment and concerns two co-workers/best friends who invite everybody from their office over for an Oscar party. Little do their guests (the hapless audience) know that the two women are going to kill themselves... right after they give a short Power Point presentation about loneliness and depression.
I'm starting to think my critics are right when they say I'm contemptuous. But, honestly, both plays are funnier than they sound.
Anyway, part of the inspiration for the second play (and I'm getting to the point here) is my well-documented obsession with:
1.) Women who wear white sneakers on the subway and then change into heels when they get to work.
2.) Cathy comics, my love for which goes back to boyhood and only deepened when a boyfriend of mine years ago would erase Cathy's thought bubbles and write in things like, "Ack! I have AIDS!"
So in my search for Cathy comics online, a friend (hi Kelsi!) introduced me to the amazing Married to the Sea, which rightfully dubs itself "the champagne of comics".
Behold three gems:
I can, and have, read this shit all day long now. Are there other online comics as good as this? I need to know.
How hard do I want to play this game? SO HARD.
I don't like video games much. I think they're kind of tacky and dull, to be honest. I do like games that are hilariously tacky though, and especially if you get to name your own character and play a sorcerer or something. I like games the allow for role playing.
When The Sims first came out I was a die hard addict. I would literally sit at the computer for twelve hours or more, chain smoking while I built my dream house and tried to convince my in game neighbor to have gay sex with my character and move in already. Who knew going to bathroom and paying bills and stuff could be so fun?
I don't smoke anymore and The Sims eventually destroyed my computer so I'm kind of over it, but you know what seems awesome? A game that's kind of similar except you play adorable animal creatures in a magical city.
I looked up Animal Crossing: City Folk on Wikipedia. Here are some intriguing in-game features:
-Gracie Grace: A high-class furniture and clothing shop run by Gracie and a porcupine named Labelle.
-Katrina the psychic cat will tell players their future.
-Kicks: A shoe-shining skunk. For a fee, players can get the colour or style of their shoes changed.
-Shampoodle: A hairdessing salon run by Hariett.
-On random days, Phineas, a jolly sea lion, will be waiting with his
cart in the city. The player can choose to obtain a gift. The gift can
be a bubble wand, a pinwheel, or a balloon in a classic shape or a
bunny shape.
Shit, this makes me want to buy a Wii. I am a little concerned that playing this game will turn me into a Furry though.
That's the last thing I need.
You are WIND WHISTLER! You are helpful, and kind, and know all sorts of big words. You are the Mary Poppins of my little ponies!
I always hated video games for the most part, unless you got to play royalty or a wizard or something. At no point in my life have I ever wanted to play a sport, let alone a simulated and animated sport. After all, sports kill taste.
That said, on a "blogosphere" binge this morning I discovered the Casio Loopy, a game console sold only in Japan during the mid 1990's. What's so awesome about it? I'm glad you asked. It was marketed to girls... and it prints stickers!
Apparently they only released eleven games before they shut down production, and most games were about boys or makeovers. Awesome! Here is a youtube video of Anime Land. I want to have a slumber party and play this, like, now:
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